iiNeotrix on DeviantArthttps://www.deviantart.com/iineotrix/art/Let-My-Heart-Speak-Louder-than-My-Head-524439188iiNeotrix
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.:Let My Heart Speak Louder than My Head:.

iiNeotrix
Published: Apr 3, 2015
482 Views
bannedstory4
Description

 
I'm just gonna r u n 
                       r i g h t  
                                 t h r o u g h  
                                                   t h e  
                                                          r a i n!
                                                                                 I'm just gonna d a n c e                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                  r i g h t  
                                                                                            t h e                   t h r o u g h
                                                                                      
                                                                                                        p a i n! 

                                                                  
I just wanna feel that rhythm, feel that drum! Let my heart beat louder, let my heart speak louder than my head ♥

  - - - - 

^{I realized yesterday....that I'm in a much better place than I was last year. I mean, last year I wasn't in a bad school and I had friends I was just... so sad all the time. Everyone noticed it. My mom, my friends, my family. No one could understand why. I sure as hell didn't. Most of the time, I had nothing to be sad about. The last day of junior high was the worst. I hate change, I despise it. I was going to a new school district, leaving the friends I had known for two years. To go where? "One of the roughest, most ghetto schools in the barrio," is what my father called it. And I believed him, I was fucking scared. Scared the school would be full of homophobes, scared I wouldn't fit in, scared that I wouldn't be able to make friends, scared I wasn't able to me myself. Or, at least what I'd gotten used to calling 'myself'. See, in junior high, I was used to liking what most of my other friends liked. I just went with it, I didn't care. Shun pink, straighten my hair to high hell, wear those rubber band bracelets, hate barbie, hate the princesses, etc. 

What I didn't expect to find in high school? 

Happiness. Acceptance. Friends. 

I lost all hope I would be able to dance again in the 3rd grade. Studios were expensive, my mom couldn't afford it. I couldn't blame her. But when I found out my school was linked to a fine arts academy. When I found out they had a dance studio and class that wouldn't cost my family a dime other than the cost of my jazz shoes and work out clothes, I got hopeful. Then I was told freshman weren't allowed to go to the fine arts academy, I had to at my home campus and take business (I'm on the cosmetology track) this year, I deflated. I didn't want to go to this school anymore. Then the first day of school I was called into the counselor's office. I waited there all day, until around 7th period she called me into her office. She talked with me, and asked me if I wanted to go to the academy. I told her I did, of course. But I had to take business. I assumed that would be it, but she changed my whole schedule so I could go. I could take dance, and theatre now. I was so happy and just...I was so excited. 

After that, wow. Theatre's a blast, and I love dance now more than ever. I find it funny how a started out as a ballet dancer, but to everyone else I dance like a hip hop dancer when I've never even taken a class for it. Now, my school has preforming art groups. I was asked if I wanted to join the advanced theatre group, or dance team. I wanted to say dance team, I loved it more than anything, and my instructor was the best dance teacher I've ever had. But my theatre teacher confused me. She said I fit in with the theatre kids, and she didn't think I'd fit in with the dancers. I was confused, hurt even. Then she told me some of the stuff they've done, they've made instructors and teachers cry, gossip about each other, they just seemed like a nasty bunch of people. So I'd said I'd think about it. After that big speech, I still wanted to dance. We had our winter recital for dance, to showcase what we've learned. I was one of the two main dancers. I got compliments from the dance team, even the theatre techies helping out. And my theatre teacher. So, I decided I'd try out for dance team. I loved the theatre kids, they were amazing. But, I loved dance more. To hell with fitting in with the dancers, as long as I got to dance, it was worth it. 

Tryouts were difficult, to put it nicely. I was frustrated, we less than a week to learn the try out dance. It was fast paced. It was hard. But the choreography was amazing, as usual. So I tried and tried. The seniors leaving next year scored us. The senior judging me thought I was great, she thought I was 'adorable', apparently. I didn't know my score, though. Just that my kick lines and sync needed work. The next day when my teacher went over it with me, I found out I got a 70 out of 80 possible points. That was enough to make it into varsity, when I thought I'd be stuck in JV (junior varsity). Now, I mean to rag on JV. But for JV dance team? They don't preform, they don't compete. They dance at recitals, the big football game at the end of the season (if they're lucky), and regular games. I sure as hell didn't want that.

And now, a month later. 
I'm a varsity dance team member and I couldn't be fucking happier. 
I'm bummed I'll have to change my hair style, my hair's like a security blanket to me. I don't like change. But it'll be damn worth it, that's for sure. We're getting ready for the spring recital. I get to dance with my class, and the team. The team loved the samba when they saw it, there were people cheering me and my friend on while we danced. And the team? We're dancing to the tryout dance.

My mom, the person I care about the most in the world couldn't be prouder. She's happy I'm happy again. She's proud of me for sticking with what I love. Even if that means spending $420 dollars on all my dance team equipment. And I'm glad. I'm so fucking glad. 

 - - - - 

Okay, I honestly didn't expect to type that. But fuck it, I'm leaving it. I'm happy as fucking hell right now. 

 - - - - 

Credits:

My new self look - Lost-Abyss 

Grass - Kokamii iForLiving 

Background - Fluffycloudkit 

Editing software - paint.net, picmonkey, pixlr

Textures - Various

Sprite - Nexon, Maplestory, Bannedstory}
Image size
920x475px 765.19 KB
Comments5
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Rainiaka
Apr 4, 2015
im loving that song omfg